CountingToTen
Sharing how we’re loving life and living it to the fullest!
Three boys, one dog, one chinchilla…Sometimes, you just have to STOP…and Count To Ten.
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Ok…Not literally. The school counselor didn’t actually put her hand across my face, but she did send a jolt through me and ROCKED MY WORLD!
Let’s just start from the beginning.
This is Isaac.
He’s our 6 year old special needs son. Isaac can walk, but not run. He can’t talk, feed himself, or use the toilet yet. And…I’m ok with that. He’s the apple of our eye! He was born with a complex heart defect and other medical problems that have set him back quite a lot.
For the past two years, Isaac has attended a school for the disabled. It’s been such a wonderful experience..but, we felt like it was time to transition him to a regular school so that he could start interacting with more atypical kids.
So…I put on my big girl pants this year…and put my special peanut in a real regular school. (like where he actually carries his own lunchbox real school!)
About our second week of school, I was walking in the hall and got stopped by the school counselor.
(this is when the assault took place)
She asked me if it was ok to let Isaac come into the mainstream first grade class sometimes to meet the other kids. I smiled, and told her that I wasn’t “that kind of parent”. I knew that my son was special and a little different and needed to be in the class that he was in…and I was OK with that.” (I know THOSE parents, the ones that put up such a stink…and I have always refused to be one of them.)
I didn’t want them to feel pressured to MAKE him sit with regular kids, when he isn’t. (it would be normal for Isaac to try to sit on someone’s lap, hug them, cry, eat their books)…that sort of thing. (I know that he can be quit a disruptive little guy…and I would hate to detract from the learning of the other kids.)
Then, the counselor said, “I just want to bring him around the mainstream kids to introduce them to Isaac. To tell them a little bit about what makes him different….so they’re not scared to talk to him. He needs friends…and these are his schoolmates…and his future friends.”
SLAP!
It wasn’t until I got in the car and placed both hands on the steering wheel…when the flood gates holding back the Hoover Dam of tears just started pouring out of me.
My son could have friends.
My son could have friends.
I’ve actually never thought about that. And why would I?? He spends 24 hours a day with me, my husband, or our other boys. We’re his best friends. I never thought that he’d need anyone else.
I can’t believe how blind I was and how naive I was.
Of course he needs friends (and not just the kids of my friends). He needs to cultivate his own friendships. He needs to allow other kids to WANT to talk to him, interact with him, help him, and ask questions about him.
I have never felt like such a bad parent in all my life.
I am so thankful for Ms. C and the foresight she had for my son. I am optimistic about his upcoming school year and the opportunities that it will bring.
My son IS GOING TO have friends.
(oh…it just makes me smile from ear to ear just thinking about it.)
Thank you Ms. C!
I can only hope that every special needs kiddo has a Ms. C in their corner!
Seriously, I cried when you let those gates open on this page. He is going to have more than just friends, they are going to LOVE him to pieces because he is so darn lovable.
What a special gift they are giving to the other children. I can not wait to hear everything.
I will totally give a full report. Some of the kids see me feeding him through his g-tube at lunch, and they’re sweet enough to ask about it. Now that they know, they stop by and say “hi” in the lunchroom now. It really does just melt my heart.
Hi There,
My son isn’t quite old enough to have friends, but like your son he is unique. I can completely understand this. As the mom of a special needs child, I have already contemplated in my head what it will be like when my son *goes to school*, battled over whether or not we will send him to a public school, and what other kids might think of him. He is a beautiful little boy, your son, and you have a beautiful heart. I know he will make many friends and teach them many things about his world, which is just as beautiful, even if a bit more cumbersome, as theirs. Thank you for sharing that world with us, other special needs parents, who often forget that we can be the greatest obstacles to our child’s development if we are not willing to ease up the reins a bit. God bless you and your family.
You said it! WE, parents, can be the biggest obstacle without even knowing it. I have focused for SO long on keeping him alive and healthy…that I just haven’t actually stopped to take a breath…and let him be a 6 year old boy. (baby steps…baby steps…)
What a powerful post. This really goes to show just how important inclusion and friendship is. I must share this with everyone that I know. Good luck to you, Issac, and the rest of your family.
Thank you Angelina. I really hadn’t thought about the “friendship” aspect of inclusion…I just didn’t want him to be a burden or bother to anyone. Boy…have my eyes been opened! (thank goodness!)
I have never, not ever, not once thought you were a bad parent. You were exactly the parent that Isaac asked for. We are all still learning. I love you to pieces and I have learned so much from you! My kids would all consider Isaac their friend. As would I. I can’t wait to see what he/you do next!!
Hugs from Vegas!
Oh…thanks! I can’t wait to see what he does too! I think this is going to be HIS YEAR!
I came across this in my news feed today. I am sitting in the hospital with my six year old who is recovering from double hip surgery. I know the feeling of not wanting to be one of “those” parents. The ones the doctors nurses and staff whisper about and dread dealing with. We are in a hospital two hours from our home and have been treated like we are gold. With the level of brain damage H has, she will never have the friends or walk like Isaac, but she is still here and feisty as ever. My highest compliment ever as a parent came from her doctor yesterday, wishing he could clone me. I about fainted. I always question myself. We live in the day to day, not months down the road because as stable as she is, she can go downhill quick. Just, yeah, Thank you for this post. You have found a new follower/cheerleader and this post will be shared. =)
Oh my gosh…Thanks for that Bobbie! I wish all the best for you and your little H. Stay in touch…
Oh Kathy. I love you guys. You are the most amazing mother I know, hands down. And Isaac is one lucky little guy. Isaac has four friends from MN who will love him forever! So thankful for you guys.. Sending you all love.
Aww, we love your family. You are all very special people and of course he will have friends, you are a wonderful mommy…made me cry too. XO
Thanks Wendi! I can’t wait to share how this year goes with you guys!
A truly moving story to share. My son Antonio has an extremely rare genetic condition, MECP2 duplication syndrome. He’s only 2 and honestly, until reading your story, friends didn’t even seem to fit in to his future. All I think about is his syndrome, I never think about things you typically think about when you envision your child’s future. Good luck to you and your family.
Thanks Beverly. I know that we spend our days just keeping our special little guys alive…but, it’s refreshing to think about these little things. Good luck to you and your family also!
Ok you had me weeping with this one! My daughter has autism and although I am one of “those” parents (LOL!) I TOTALLY understand what your are talking about and what you felt. I’ve had my face slapped a couple of times but heck I’m darn thankful for it. I hope I keep running into people who slap some sense into me when I need it and I’m OK with it because we’re all learning and the rules for parenting a kid with special needs are different and sometimes in order to move forward we have to feel our way through because it’s just pitch dark and we don’t even know what’s in front of us. (Wow that was a run-on sentence!) Thanks for sharing this with us. He will have friends and that is awesome!
Powerful story! That counselor seems awesome! Thanks for adding it to Time For Mom! Hope to see you next week.
Thanks Krystal!